The Final Sacrifice

June 17th, 2011 by Perfesser Deviant

The Final Sacrifice   The Final Sacrifice poster 1 66x120 reviews horror fantasy Director: Tjardus Greidanus
Writer
: Tjardus Greidanus
Release Year
: 1990
Aka title:
Quest For The Lost City

ROWSDOWER!

Whiny youth Troy McGreggor (Christian Malcolm) is in his aunt’s (Bharbara Egan) attic seeking answers about what happened to his father (Randy Vasseur) when he discovers a map in a folder labeled ‘Ziox’. An evil cult of guys – led by the eviler Satoris (Shane Marceau) – whose cult uniform is jeans, tank-tops, and hoods come after him and so Troy has to pedal to safety. Shortly thereafter, Troy encounters the sleaziest man in all of Outer Canadia, Zap Rowsdower (Bruce J. Mitchell) who will lead him to Pipper (Ron Anderson) who will, in turn, lead him to his destiny….

The Final Sacrifice   The Final Sacrifice title 300x225 reviews horror fantasy

The Final Sacrifice   The Final Sacrifice 1 300x225 reviews horror fantasy

The Final Sacrifice   The Final Sacrifice 2 300x225 reviews horror fantasy

The Final Sacrifice   The Final Sacrifice 4 300x225 reviews horror fantasy

The Final Sacrifice   The Final Sacrifice 5 300x225 reviews horror fantasy

The Final Sacrifice   The Final Sacrifice 6 300x225 reviews horror fantasy

The Final Sacrifice   The Final Sacrifice 8 300x225 reviews horror fantasy

(Spoilers follow…)

This is not a good film. I mean, a lot of films are bad, but this one is bad. Specifically it’s bad in that it brilliantly eschews good sense, good history, good characters, good acting, good editing, good hair, and even good orthodontia. I shall take each topic in due course as I do because I’m coarse.

The plot lacks all sense. The cult waits seven years only to appear just as Troy locates his father’s paperwork. The cult breaks into Troy’s aunts house in broad daylight in a much less than subtle manner involving a chainsaw without the neighbors noticing. Troy escapes from the cult on a bicycle as they pursue in a car. Troy just stumbles across Rowsdower in the vast wasteland that is Alberta, Canada, and Rowsdower not only agrees to help him, but is one of a handful of people in all of Alberta who knows about the cult. They just stumble across evidence of the lost culture of Ziox. They run into another guy who knows about the cult who sends them on their way to the exact location of the titular sacrifice which leads to a bunch of crap that results in the lost city rising from the mud. Troy and Rowsdower, seeing this magnificent display of an ancient society, drive off in Rowsdower’s crap truck. This makes less sense than cleaning a smudged rental porn DVD by licking it clean.

Less salty too.

The film ignores all reasonable history of Canada and the rest of the Americas. The idea that there might have been an ancient society of advanced people destroyed by a bunch of awful savages doesn’t make any sense to anyone with any brains. Oh, unless they live in Utah. I’d better move on.

The characters in this tale are baffling. Now, it doesn’t help that the plot is nonsensical, but the bizarre characters contribute greatly to the failure of the film. Troy is a whiny little bastard who is such a mouth-breather that he even whines with each breath. Rowsdower is an unkempt drunk who drives a truck that seems to have been salvaged from WWII parts. His name doesn’t help either, what the hell kind of parents name a kid ‘Zap Rowsdower’? They might as well have named him ‘Beatmeup’ or ‘Lameloserboy’. Unless he became a superhero or an exterminator that worked with bulldozers, ‘Zap Rowsdower’ is a name so bad that it probably counts as child abuse. Pipper is another one that makes no sense as he lives out in the middle of nowhere, is a threat to the cult, but they’ve done nothing about him or his overacting.

Oh yes, the acting. Well, with well-drawn characters to work from a good actor might have been able to make something out of the character of Rowsdower; probably not since the characters are so idiot, but maybe. None of the actors can act worth a damn. None of them went on to do anything notable, neither in Canada nor in any real country. The guy who plays the villain has an entire acting range of looking goofy and laughing. Even the extras act badly as, despite being dressed in warm jeans, tank-tops and hoods, they all have nipples hard enough to serve as ammunition in a BB gun. Really, actors should be in control of their nipples, I learned that in Showgirls.

I’m thinking about women now because there were none in most of the film. This shows a few things, but the most important of those things is that women are too smart to get involved with this. Too bad, considering how cold it is for much of the film I would have enjoyed looking at their nipples more than a horde of Canadian Klansmen / lumberjacks / luchadores.

The editing looks like it was done with the chainsaw from the scene with the morons breaking into the house. It’s choppy. Nothing would have helped. I’m getting tired of this. I’ve started to forget the plot and I just finished watching this an hour ago.

What it comes down to with a movie is whether or not it was entertaining. It is entertaining as it’s one of those rare made-for-a-Canadian-dollar films that isn’t even remotely predictable. I blame the schools. Really though, this one is made so badly made badly so badly made so badly … stop that … made so badly that it seems to create entertainment from nothing, like a fart in a room full of women. MST3k took a stab at this one, but it’s really picking at low-hanging fruit as this one lacks so much in terms of anything cinematic that it’s the equivalent of watching the Special Olympics for a laugh.

 

Rating: The Final Sacrifice   star reviews horror fantasy The Final Sacrifice   star reviews horror fantasy The Final Sacrifice   star reviews horror fantasy The Final Sacrifice   blankstar reviews horror fantasy The Final Sacrifice   blankstar reviews horror fantasy

 

The Final Sacrifice   The Final Sacrifice poster reviews horror fantasy

 

Bookmark / Share:
  • The Final Sacrifice   facebook reviews horror fantasy
  • The Final Sacrifice   stumbleupon reviews horror fantasy
  • The Final Sacrifice   digg reviews horror fantasy
  • The Final Sacrifice   reddit reviews horror fantasy
  • The Final Sacrifice   twitter reviews horror fantasy
  • The Final Sacrifice   myspace reviews horror fantasy
  • The Final Sacrifice   delicious reviews horror fantasy
  • The Final Sacrifice   linkedin reviews horror fantasy
  • The Final Sacrifice   mixx reviews horror fantasy
  • The Final Sacrifice   netvibes reviews horror fantasy
  • The Final Sacrifice   tumblr reviews horror fantasy
  • The Final Sacrifice   printfriendly reviews horror fantasy