Shredder

December 22nd, 2010 by Perfesser Deviant

Shredder   Shredder poster 84x120 reviews horror Director: Greg Huson
Writers
: Craig Donald Carlson & Greg Huson
Release Year
: 2003

Icy kills.

Cole Davidson (Scott Weinger) is dating rich bitch Kimberly Van Arx (Lindsey McKeon) who tells him that she’ll finally put out if he takes her on a skiing trip. She doesn’t tell him that she’s invited her cousin Pike (Juleah Weikel), amateur filmmaker Skyler (Billy O’Sullivan), bitchy friend (Holly Towne), and pothead Kirk (Peter Riggs) along on his dime as a crew of cock-blockers. It turns out that her dishonesty goes further still as the resort she’s taking them to was shut down after a tragic accident claimed the life of a little girl when she was hit by some drunken jerkoff snowboarders, much like most of the cast….

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A slasher movie needs a tragic back-story or else the audience won’t care; not that most slasher audiences care about much, but let’s move on. Those young snowboarders who – it couldn’t have been much more than a decade before – killed the daughter (Kjersti Cubberley) of local man Bud (Ron Varela), really messed up his life. Somehow, this snowboarding accident resulted in the death of Bud’s wife as well leaving him with only his other daughter Shelly (Candace Moon) to obsessively overprotect. It also left a whole community hostile to snowboarders. None of this makes much sense as an Idaho mountain town would make much of its income from skiers and snowboarders and would know that accidents happen. Whatever, it’s the setup.

A slasher movie with a killer skier dressed in black needs to have a variety of suspects to work. Unfortunately, this film botches that badly by killing off most of the suspects, like the sheriff (Seth Reston), really early on leaving it obvious to the viewer who’s doing these awful things. Another good potential suspect, Chad (Elliot Olson) is killed before the credits. Even Christophe (Brad Hawkins), who shows himself to be profoundly dishonest and someone who has escaped justice, is wiped out without being trotted out as a viable suspect. The actual killer, young Shelly, does make some sort of sense as her father Bud has probably spent most of her life obsessively hating snowboarders, but it’s still a little weak. Whose lair is it in the mountain mine? Why did Shelly kill the snow blower driver (Drake Smith)?

The most mystifying death in this one is Robyn’s as her scarf gets caught on / tied to a ski lift chair, hanging her. So, how did Robyn’s scarf get attached to the ski lift? If it was merely an accident then why was it filmed like it was intentional? Wasn’t the skier on the lift with her Bud? Iit couldn’t have been Shelly since she was with Skyler in a completely different outfit only a few minutes later quite a distance from where the mystery skier was dumped from the lift. How does it work anyway to be hanged by a scarf since it was wrapped around her neck from one end, so it could be unwrapped the same way or would have spun her around until she dropped off anyway. This kill makes no sense.

Equally mystifying is why our hero Cole would hang around with Kimberly. It’s said that if there’s nudity in the first five minutes of a film it’s unlikely to be a good flick, but there’s a worse sign that’s tangentially related, that is, when there’s a shower scene in the first five minutes that lacks all nudity. Yes, Ms. McKeon takes a shower with her breasts carefully covered by the frame of the camera, however, thanks to digital technology I’ve gotten a screencap of her tits. Take that! Beyond the actress’ unwillingness to show her chest to the viewer, her character is a horrible bitch. So evil that her last words are to tell Cole that she never loved him. It seems that one or both of the writers have some issues with attractive women from their past(s). Why are men so stupid when it comes to attractive women? I’ll let all you youngsters know a profound secret about women: they’re all the same in the dark and the pretty princesses are less willing to do fun things than their more average sisters. Beyond sex, women who don’t have an overinflated opinion of themselves are much more agreeable companions in general. Bear that in mind.

Especially since most women are forced to settle for men who are lousy in a lot of ways.

The only thing left to be annoyed by in this flick is the ending. The killer decides to not kill Pike for some reason, which gives her the chance to catch up. Down in the town, Cole tries to find some help, but no one is around. Even the bar, the heart of a small mountain town, is empty. When Cole uses the back door – something else Kimberly wouldn’t allow – he wanders straight into a trap involving a snow blower that Shelly liberated from a local she killed. How unlikely is it that he would just happen to stumble into such a trap, why would Shelly kill the local who hates snowboarders as much as she does, and where is everyone anyway? The only thing I do like about the conclusion is the way that Cole, the wuss, is saved by a shotgun wielding Pike and a unique snow blower that chews up CGI characters and blows out CGI blood.

 

Rating: Shredder   star reviews horror Shredder   star reviews horror Shredder   blankstar reviews horror Shredder   blankstar reviews horror Shredder   blankstar reviews horror


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