Meatcleaver Massacre

February 1st, 2010 by Vomitron

Meatcleaver Massacre   meatcleaver dvd dutchCR 85x120 reviews horror Director: Evan Lee
Keith Burns & Ray Atherton and Mikos Gyulai & Steve Singer
Release year:

Morak, The Destroyer!

Oh dear, where to begin? I laughed pretty hard with that sequence where the guy’s about to commit suicide and then calls it off because he’s running late for work. But this film is not a comedy. It’s an alledged shock feature that seems to start off as a tame rape/revenge kind of deal, but very quickly heads off in a slightly more supernatural direction, doing anything but firmly pedalling along. And like any child learning how to ride a bicycle can tell you; when you loose pedals and fall on your ass, it hurts.

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As commonly known, when it comes to B-movies & trash cinema, they are not exactly praised for the fact that everything works perfectly in these films. But usually some stuff does, and when such films succeed in at least hitting the mark on a few levels, they often get uplifted to a cult-status.  As for the stuff going on in ‘Meatcleaver Massacre’, however, virtually every effort results in below par dreck, meaning: It really is just a plain, very bad film. Furthermore, the film plays it dead seriousMeatcleaver Massacre   MCM white screamCR 300x230 reviews horror – I expected no less from this one – and that makes it all the more painful. However, I have a couple of good things to say about it. Mainly about some imagery and the way it was shot & edited. The ‘dream sequences’ prior to the death scenes had something to them. They were like sequences of experimental film-making edited into the film. They felt completely out of place, but I did find them the most enjoyable parts of the movie. Slightly eerie even, at times, when accompanied by strange guitar effects. Some even had me thinking about the ‘tripping scene’ on the graveyard in Easy Rider’ (1969). The (rudimentary) editing often features cross-cutting & the juxtapositioning of certain images.

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I'm touching your hat, Prof. Watcha gonna do now, huh?

But the film itself, is complete drivel without even an attempt at a storyline to make it a bit more coherent. Yet it still is the kind of drivel – barely, I might add – that is manageable to sit through. To me, it felt like Death Wish’ (1974) and House on the Edge of the Park’ (1980) — for some reason Larry Justin had me thinking of David Hess — teaming up with Lucio Fulci‘s Aenigma’ (1987), while possibly directed by a senile Ed Wood on drugs. I realize that saying this, might draw die-hard fans of exploitation horror only closer to this film. And exactly for those folks, Meatcleaver Massacre might be worth a watch. Other people, just steer clear away from it. Also known as Hollywood Meat Cleaver Massacre’, this film is absolutely nothing along the lines of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre’ (1974), just in case you should wonder (and that’s another sign of how shameless the producers of this wretched film were, trying to cash in on a much popular movie at the time).

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Best shot of the movie. Yes, that's debatable, but not to me.

With lacking a decent story (an accomplishment in its own right, since it took four persons to write it), the whole film is pretty much nothing more than 3 (or 4, depending on how you look at it) death scenes with useless filler material in between. As a bonus you get the violence against the professor & his family at the beginning of the film, which really isn’t much to write home about either. They didn’t even rape the daughter (just a quick shower-shot from behind, filmed through tainted glass). Harsh thing to say maybe, my female readers, but what else would sick-minded puppies look for in a film like this? They did kill the wife’s dog called Poopers, though. Yes, it was called Poopers.

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Just trippin' in the desert... for no reason.

Meatcleaver Massacre   MCM Prof ComaCR 300x230 reviews horror After the home invasion early in the film, the professor ends up in a coma with a fractured skull, but not without summoning a demon (Morak, The Destroyer! The Avenger!) to act out his vengeance. Now – probably thanks to the very low budget – the demon isn’t show throughout the film (I just saved you from a disappointment here; you’re welcome), and this actually works for the better. In the death scenes, the villains are killed by an unseen force and those sequences look fairly imaginative. But some poorly executed blood & gore effects do diminish the over-all effect those kills should have had. Unfortunately, when bad guy Mason gets it near the end, the filmmakers do decide to show us a bit of the alleged demon, and they really shouldn’t have. It looked like a toxic bum with a wig & bad make-up. Oh, what’s that? This film still tries to be clever at the very end? Well never mind that, as it’s far too late already.

Meatcleaver Massacre   MCM the eyeCR 300x231 reviews horror

No, this is not the best shot of the movie. Scroll back up.

Meatcleaver Massacre   MCM Chris LeeCR 300x230 reviews horror

As everyone knows by now, the movie’s opening- & closing minutes feature Christopher Lee telling a couple tales of the occult, which bear absolutley no relevance to the actual film (thank you, producers, for luring us into that one too). I do hope he got payed for his work, regardless how his footage ended up in Meatcleaver Massacre. And let’s repeat something else that everyone already knows: There’s not a single meat-cleaver to be spotted in this film. But, hooray, around the one-hour mark, there’s a bit of welcome female nudity (with severe continuity problems) for pretty much no reason in particular. Anything else I might have forgotten…? Perhaps, if you should decide to watch it, try to watch it when you feel up to it, otherwise it might put you to sleep. It’s not really a very exciting film.


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