Director: Jose Sombra
Writers: Claude Anders, Dan Dare & Jose Sombra
Release Year: 2006

He … uh … peeps.

A modern sex-murderer and a resurrected medieval sex-murderer both murder women over sex. Yeah.

(Spoilers follow…)

Count DeMarco (Claude Anders) – the titular Knight – and The Peeper (Dan Dare) are two perverts separated by a few hundred years but with tastes that are similar. Both prefer their women silicone-enhanced and both really enjoy spying on women and then murdering them. This was a disagreeable hobby back in medieval times and remains a discouraged activity today as busty women are a scarce resource that should not be squandered. That’s why silicone is such a gift from various deities, most especially Mammae, Goddess of Goodies.

The specific busty women that are squandered in this one are Tara Ashleigh, Anette Durucz, Heather Polamis, Niki Notarile, Tatianna Stone, and Sativa Verte. Each one spends some time stripping, showering, etc. Now, after years of peering through unshaded windows, I understand that women do not act particularly sexily in private, no, instead they do all the things that men do, things like scratching, farting, and happily tossing dirty underwear on the floor. Okay, so that’s a little sexy. What women in the shower do not do is spend ten minutes washing their breasts while carefully ignoring certain crevices that men find so delightful. That’s icky.

So that’s it, an evil knight rises from the grave – from behind a brick wall fixed not with mortar, but with dirt – and goes about his business while variously-dressed women gasp. It’s the worst kind of softcore in that it resorts to one woman spending 20 minutes trying on lingerie while another lies down in a position so uncomfortable the only possible explanation is that her thighs have somehow been magnetized with the same polarity. Ho hum.

A ‘ho hum’ is actually a sort of prostitute chanty, but I’ll leave that for another day. The actual soundtrack of this film is classical music, I did recognize Berlioz‘s excellent Symphonie fantastique as well as other music that I’ve heard here and there. Listen to a performance of the great music and forget the movie. Please.

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