Camp Utopia

October 5th, 2008 by Perfesser Deviant

Camp Utopia   camp utopia1 86x120 reviews horror Director: Robert Madero
Writer
: Robert Madero and Skippy McGriff
Release Year
: 2002

Third wheels keep on turning.

Many years ago, dirty hippie cult leader / musician Timothy Bach (Stephen Pearcy) went nuts one night and started chopping up fellow dirty hippie cult members at their dirty hippie cult commune Camp Utopia. Now, some years later, five teenagers are going camping in the same place where the crimes once happened! Oh no!

(Spoilers follow…)

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Camp Utopia   camp utopia 1 300x225 reviews horror The first couple is head cheerleader Gretchen (Jessica Jordan) and her jock boyfriend Lance (Collin Stark). They have issues because Lance is an insensitive, demanding, prick and Gretchen is a bitch, though she is not as bad as Lance. Lance decides that this trip will be the first time that he and Gretchen have unprotected sex. Gretchen, who comes from a very fertile family, objects to this plan, even when Lance promises to pull out at the last minute. Now ladies, why do you always have such a problem with logical male birth control methods? Besides, she’s afraid that Lance has screwed his way through all the “lesser cheerleaders” and might have picked up something not so good. That is true by the way, he picked her up. Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week.


 

Camp Utopia   camp utopia 2 300x225 reviews horror The second couple is Gretchen’s best friend Brittany (Sarah Megan White) and her pothead, day-trading, white-trash boyfriend Vesper (James E. Foley). Vesper?! They are having problems because he is a loser who smokes so much pot that she feels that she is not getting the sort of attention that she wants. She is no wonderful girl herself as she starts seducing him, then tells him that no sex will occur because she is menstruating. Now guys, is that really a problem? Not the teasing, that is a problem, but the sex while she is bleeding? Vesper (Vesper?!) is too much of a wimp to push it so he goes to bed unsatisfied, he does not even point out that she is not bleeding from her mouth! Vesper?! Clearly her mouth is fine because she wants to ‘talk’ which is code for she wants Vesper (Vesper?!) to sit and listen.

The last girl in the group is Dee Dee (Alexandra Westmore), the new girl in school. Lance wanted her to come along to be part of a three-way with Gretchen because girls are always down with that, right guys? She is one of the more scripted characters so we find out she is an orphan and she moved around a lot, all the usual bad horror movie background stuff. She seems pleasant, level-headed and much less bitchy than the other two girls, which automatically means she is either evil or the final girl. The thing is, none of the girls are virgins as Gretchen and Brittany have both had sex with their boyfriends and Dee Dee makes a comment about destroying a former boyfriend who treated her badly, making her less than innocent. Oh no, novelty! Whatever shall we do?

 

Camp Utopia   camp utopia 3 300x225 reviews horror Our final character is Ranger Rogers (Adam Minoravich) who could be many of you fine readers. He is socially awkward and spends all his time watching porn and slasher films. Roger exists mostly to sneak up on the campers and bother them, staring at the girls’ breasts as best he can. Pretty much what I spend my weekends doing as well. Rogers is so bizarre that he could not scream ‘red herring’ any more if he had auburn scales growing on his face. Just so you know, he is not the killer, but I was surely grateful when he became a victim. That was good.

 

The action in the film consists of a bunch of people being killed from off-camera to keep the killer’s identity a mystery. Since fake blood does not cost too much, some of that is thrown around for the fun of it. There is also the entertaining nudity as a few of the hippies peel for the camera; Gretchen and Brittany also shows us why they were cast (they were cast from silicone by the looks of things). Otherwise this is little more than a teen drama, something that if you heard about it happening in high school you would ask the person telling you about it to shut up. Only the finale is of any interest at all, and that is because the final struggle between the final girl and killer takes place in front of a strobe light so it could cause the viewer to go into seizures. Anything that would provoke any reaction whatsoever in this film would be welcome.

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So we come to the final twist, that Dee Dee is the killer and wishes she was the child of that rocker I mentioned before. I was shocked, were you shocked? No one should have been shocked. If you were shocked by this revelation then either I am sorry about the traumatic brain damage or else you are not allowed to watch horror movies any more. Next you will tell me you were surprised that Gretchen survived Seriously. You were not surprised by that were you? I hope not. The only thing surprising about this film is we see the final girl’s tits but not those of the killer. Not really a reason in and of itself to see this one.


Rating: Camp Utopia   star reviews horror Camp Utopia   blankstar reviews horror Camp Utopia   blankstar reviews horror Camp Utopia   blankstar reviews horror Camp Utopia   blankstar reviews horror

 

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