Science Fiction

Director: Tobe Hooper
Writer: Dan O’Bannon & Don Jakoby based on a book by Colin Wilson
Release Year: 1985

The tits that ravaged Old London Town.

Col. Tom Carlsen (Steve Railsback) and his crew take the ESA space shuttle Churchill out to visit Halley’s comet. In the coma of the comet they find an alien spacecraft that contains bat-creatures corpses and three naked human-like creatures under glass (Mathilda May & Christopher Jagger & Bill Malin). Naturally, the astronauts remove these humans and take them back to their ship, but this, as it develops, is an error….

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Director: Alberto De Martino (as Herbert Martin)
Writer: Gianfranco Clerici, Vincenzo Mannino and Alberto De Martino
Release year: 1985

Quite an amazing piece of utter nonsense

Reporter Graig Milford (David Warbeck) has seen it all… Vietnam war crimes, cannibal tribes, political shenanigans and what not else. It’s all fine by him and nowadays he’s comfortable working for television in Miami. After interviewing Dr. Schweiker ‘The Nazi’ (Sergio Rossi) about a scientific breakthrough, involving the solution to a puzzling enigma of genetic engeneering, he gets permission to hang around the lab to shoot some additional footage of the newly bred organism. Milford doesn’t mind, so hanging around the lab is what he does. But an accidental electrocution causes the tiny organism – which looks like strawberry-flavored jelly pudding sprinkled with bits of puke – to die… briefly, as it comes back to life seconds later. But then, suddenly, the room is filled with ghostly imagery and eerie moaning sounds. What the hell? Luckily, Milford still had his camera rolling…

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Director: Phil Tucker
Writer: Wyott Ordung
Release Year: 1953

At what point on the graph do ‘must’ and ‘cannot’ meet?

Little Johnny (Gregory Moffett) and his ‘family’ have to battle with one of the least convincing alien invaders of all time … the ROBOT MONSTER! The ROBOT MONSTER! invades the Earth and destroys almost all life with his CALCINATOR DEATH RAY! – which uses stock footage of fighting dinosaurs from One Million B.C. among others – leaving only Johnny and his family as well as some off-camera people who die later in another stock footage extravaganza. This collection of people are humanity’s last hope to avoid extinction, but really if that’s the best Earth has to look forward to they might as well just up and die…..

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Director: Fernando Colomo
Writer: Fernando Colomo, Audreu Martín and Miguel Ángel Nieto
Release year: 1985
Spanish title: El Caballero Del Dragón

Not so clever Keitel

When princess Alba (Maria Lamor) is abducted by a mysterious dragon, it’s upto Klever (Harvey Keitel), a foolish knight in love, to go and rescue her. However, the dragon turns out to be a spaceship, and Alba starts to fall in love with the alien human abductor, who was merely paying a visit to our planet earth. Can you dig this?

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Director: Wes Craven
Writer: Wes Craven based on a comic book by Len Wein & Bernie Wrightson
Release Year: 1982

It’s a thing, from the swamp…

Government chick Alice Cable (Adrienne Barbeau) is assigned to protect research scientist Dr. Alec Holland (Ray Wise) and his sister Dr. Linda Holland (Nannette Brown) and their plant research from the evil Dr. Anton Arcane (Louis Jourdan). Dr. Arcane – what a stupid name – want this research because … I guess … he’s evil, and evil guys need plant research. When Ferret (David Hess) and his mercenaries screw up the snatch of the research, Dr. Alec Holland gets turned into a monstrous thing of the swamp called SWAMP THING!!!!

Yeah.

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